A Father's Letter to His Daughter's DateWednesday, April 15, 2009
I’m My-girl’s dad, and I wanted to write you a quick note. Although we’ve never met I’m sure you’re a very nice person. My-girl has said many good things about you, and I’ve had you investigated thoroughly.
Unfortunately you have one big flaw, which causes me great anxiety. You see, I’ve heard you’re a guy. Being a guy myself I’m very familiar with the various defects in our species. Most of those defects pertain to how we treat women, but they do extend beyond that area. My primary concerns, however, are related to the women-treatment variety of defects. I have the following important guidelines that I’m asking you to work with.
1) Absolutely NO kissing.
2) Also, NO kissing.
3) And one more thing. No kissing.
The only exception to this is a quick kiss on the cheek, at the end of the night, IF My-girl initiates it. By no means should this interpreted as encouragement.
I hope you have a great time with the nicest and most beautiful girl in Cranford (that’s My-girl of course).