A husband's thoughts about motherhoodThursday, April 16, 2009
(One of the reasons why I'm crazy about my honey):
After becoming a father for the first time 20 years ago I learned that my wife’s energy and stamina far surpassed my own.
A mother’s energy is an amazing thing to behold, and most men simply can’t keep up.
Some men can, but most don’t stand a chance.
On balance, men are not Olympic-class child-nurturers in the same way that women are not Olympic-class bench-pressers. (Although some might argue about that..)
In an extreme situation, most of these “handicapped” husbands can rise to the occasion and surprise their wives, but in the long run they usually under-perform.
As you said, it’s not that we don’t care; it’s just the way we’re wired.
This is very tough on the mom, as she’s caring for the baby, recovering from labor, whacked out hormones, dealing with weight issues, and to top it off, wondering why her husband is “out to lunch”.
Being a mother is very hard, and I’m sure I couldn’t do it.
That being said, the most important thing is to ensure that your marriage remains happy & healthy.
A happy marriage is critical to the future health & happiness of the child.
My wife would occasionally kid me about being lazy with the kids, and that would motivate me to try harder, but she never came across like she was putting me down.
I knew I was not good in the baby-caring area, so I compensated in other ways.
I put energy into being affectionate, supportive, thankful, and I ensured that we had regular time outside of the house, both alone and with the kids.
I always tried to ensure that our relationship retained the boyfriend-girlfriend quality that can easily disappear when you become parents.
My contributions in parenting grew over time.
For example, I’m much more capable when it comes to things like planning cool vacations & activities, handling teenage crises, yelling at the kids when they don’t listen to mom, etc.
In hindsight, the baby phase lasts a relatively short period of time. It seems like an eternity when it’s happening, but it really does go by quickly.
My best advice is this: Do the best you can, keep your marriage strong, and hang in there.
Appreciate each other’s strengths, and don’t resent each other’s shortcomings.
Push gently to improve each other, but never push past the point where it causes hurt feelings.
Best of luck and God Bless.
(As posted in this unique community of mothers - theMotherhood.com )
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