Skip to main content

Coming home




We cannot help how we are predisposed to being. But this coming home to ourselves can sometimes be painful. I strongly believed I am a full-fledged, 100% loner by nature. My motto was the less people in my life, the happier am I.

There was an odd thing going on though. A strange unexplainable pattern I kept seeing. My closest friends would have ridiculously large families. Their families would even be the kind that ‘adopts’ friends (that would be me) into their life and treats them exactly like family. I’ve been in three relationships. All three, without exception, had large families and also had enormous circle of friends. It gets worse, this pattern. Of all the gurus to become a devotee to, I chose (fell in love with) one who is the epitome of ‘large group of people’. She’s the only Guru in the history of the planet who hugs everyone around the world and calls them all Her children! Still, I paid no mind to all that repetitive, consistent, what I call, anomaly. I was obstinate, determined and took pride in being a loner. My inner voice would always say, ‘Hmph! Better them than me! What a headache dealing with all that!’….Well, until this morning…

There I was sitting in the parking lot of ShopRite supermarkets weeping. I pulled out my cell phone and sent this text, “You broke me. Finally. I am here. For life…”. The recipient of the text is the President of the organization I have been volunteering for. It is the only pro-bono Filipino American legal defense in the United States. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve wanted to quit. Why? It is dealing with a heck of a lot of people. All the time. A bag of politics, drama and deadlines. I knew subconsciously the commitment of being with the organization meant I’d have to give up my loner badge and privileges. No more of the times when I come when I want to and quit when I please; my identity and rabbit hole for four decades.

Like someone who has but a few seconds before they die, my life flashed right before me in my car. It all came together. The once thought of anomalies shape shifted into pointers of the truth long denied. Snippets of the highly charged, intense four conversation with the President the night before went in and out of my head. His passionate words of “This is my vocation! I can’t quit!” shot straight right through my heart and finally, shattered my mind into silent acquiescence. Tears rolled down my face at the realization of what was taking place within me.

Be careful what you love because you will inevitably manifest that. Motherhood is the ultimate act of love, the job for life. That is why I am madly in love with Ammachi. She hugs the leper as lovingly as the saintly devotee. She carries cinder blocks to build homes for the widows in India and sleeps all but maybe two hours a night in order to answer letters, travel and do all that a mother, who takes on humanity as children, you can imagine would be doing. And so, there it was: my heart breathes and lives as a mother. It goes where it is needed most and gives what is asked of it. Decisions and choices are not governed by comfort or security. It longs and aches to serve selflessly. Yes, this is my vocation, too. No more quitting my heart then  -- for I am home.
  
~ by resident writer, Marie Aunio

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Completed my first 16 Week IsaBody Challenge: Believe You Have A Purpose

My family is what matters most to me.  I’m 51 and a mother of 4 (ages 14 – 26). I wanted to be healthier, more active and stronger not just for me, but for the people I love.  I wanted to set an example for my family that we each possess the tools to master our wellness and vitality. I've always been petite except when I was pregnant ( when I gained an average of 50 pounds per pregnancy - 4 times!) Over the years I had tried various diet and exercise regimens, and I did enjoy a degree of success, but the results were not to the level I hoped for, and they were somewhat short lived.   Achieving stable, long-lasting results proved stubbornly elusive.    Then when I hit menopause everything became more difficult.    My body stopped cooperating altogether, and I was constantly grumpy. My waist and hips expanded and I found myself napping in the afternoons.    I started to accept the idea that there would be this new, less vibrant version of me. I just completed my P

Immigration and Family: Will my mom ever get to see my daughter walk down the aisle

Last year when my father passed away in the Philippines, I went home and took some time to visit the U.S. Embassy in Manila to ask what the options are for my mother to return to the U.S. The consul reminded me of the 10-year travel ban. That on or after November 8, 2015 — not earlier – or 10 years after my mom, was deported in 2005 for overstaying her visa, I can email the U.S. Embassy and inquire about my mother’s approved petition. I asked if I need to file another petition, and she informed me I didn’t have to. I asked if I could… and she stopped me and said to ask everything on or after November 8, 2015. This is where I am, and where my thoughts are drifting as I celebrate this month my 16th American birthday. I am counting the months, the weeks and the days. My daughter is getting married in January 2016 and I would love to have my entire family, especially my mother, to be here when that momentous occasion happens.

SPICE-up a young child's development: social, physical, intellectual, creative and emotional

Children are the precious gems of a family. When they’re young and innocent, they are like sponges that willingly and quickly absorb any knowledge and emotion. That’s why at an early age, we encourage our children to read, be creative, be happy and feed their curiosity. With all the technology and instant gratification that children get from playing video or computer games, asking a child to read a good book has been a challenge for some parents .     “Your children are not your children.       They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.       They come through you but not from you,       And though they are with you, and yet they belong not to you.       You may give them your love but not your thoughts,        For they have their own thoughts.        You may house their bodies but not their souls,        For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,        which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.” -                     Kahlil Gibr

Helping others surpass their goals and expectations

"It's not about the end goal. It's who you become by consistently pushing to the edge of your limits." - Robin Sharma Do you ever wonder why you stumble on new things?  Do you ever wonder why unsuspecting strangers cross your path? Do you ever wonder why your mind takes you to a direction you didn't think exist? I was walking to StarBucks to meet my husband when I noticed a sign...

Still shaky, skidded in snow, but so blessed my guardian angels are looking after me!

"Never again wonder, what to be thankful for..."   - Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life It’s yet another snowy day in New Jersey. Beautiful, yes but dangerous! In line with my goal for this month is to get back on schedule. I got up around 4am to get my 15yo ready for his Model United Nations conference. (Thankful that our neighbor offered to drive him to school by 5:30am ) I got my 9yo ready for school and I'm thankful that my other neighbor offered to drive him to school. I then drove my husband to the train station to Manhattan. I decided to stop by the Community Center and decided to run a fast 5K on the treadmill. I was 1 mile short because I was so sweaty and hot. (Note to self: dress lightly next time) While cooling down inside the car, I read Day 14’s chapter of Rick Warren's the “Purpose Driven Life” book. I felt really good because it just reminded me that there is always something to be thankful for no matter how awful yo