How does a mother let go?

Monday, January 04, 2010

My 18yo is transferring to California to study at the Art Institute in San Diego. It’s something that he’s been passionate about. I still remember the day that we finalized the paperwork and financial aid. It was the happiest I’ve seen him!

He’s leaving in a couple of days.

(I just finished cleaning up after a surprise party his friends put together for him at our home on Saturday. He was totally surprise seeing 30 plus of his friends, and 3 local bands including his!)

Today felt like a smorgasbord of emotions, not sure if it’s because of my hormones (that, too!) or maybe I’m on denial that my little guy is spreading his wings and totally on his way to live his dream!

I was mad at first because my son still has not packed. And then it hit me, I saw him pack his clothes and “belongings” and while listening to his CD, “Realizing September”s Sheets and Sweaters, I started having some chest pains!

I can’t believe my little guy is leaving…

I still remember the day he was born;
I still remember seventeen years ago when I thought I lost him!
I had to fight to get him back and almost gave up because it was draining any energy I had in my body. I thank G-d my dh urged me to continue fighting no matter what!

I still remember the days and nights that we yelled at each other because he was being stubborn!
I still remember just two years ago when he threatened to move-out and run away!

I remember his baseball phase and his hockey phase.
I remember the visits to the emergency room because of skateboarding – and falling off his twin-size bed!
I still remember when we got mad at him for opening the cheesecake pan even after telling him “not to touch it!”
I still remember us telling him “Bad Boy” in anger, and ended up laughing because he, at 4, he started singing
“Bad-boys bad boys, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when the cops come for you.”

I still remember the day he told us that he’s just a “B” student when he was getting all straight A’s and was invited to John Hopkins Center for Talented Youth.
I still remember why not to play “hide-and-go-seek” with him ever again (lol)
I still remember finding out a speeding ticket he had on his 18th birthday, right after his graduation!
I sure remember that one summer in Smuggler’s Notch, Vermont when I realized my little guy is not really that little anymore…

I’ll sure miss him saying, “Mom, listen to this new song” (as he shows me his new music composition);
I’ll sure miss our Tuesdays at Joannie’s , which are one-hundred percent better than the therapy sessions!
I’ll sure miss him driving our white Jeep Wrangler which has his signature all over it!
I’ll sure miss him emptying out the dishwasher at night, and keeping the kitchen clean!

Time goes by super fast (and I’m banking on that phrase!!)

Thank goodness, there’s internet and text messaging!

Just a year ago, my little guy wasn't sure..
So I wrote..

As the day ends
The night comes;
As sorrow breaks your heart
Hope will lift your spirit;

Sunset is lovely
Brings end to a day
But a hope of a new beginning
Is just seconds away;

It’s tough when kids are lost
Not knowing what direction to take;
Tougher for a mother to see
That the future for the moment is dim.

You’re still young and full of energy
My child, we’ll get past this tragedy.
Tough love, guidance and wisdom
Someday you will understand.

Chances, choices, opportunities
We’ll face together for you to see
There’s a bright future waiting

For you to discover and “BE”.

AND little guy is just a couple of days away...

I'll sure miss my little guy!

“We worry what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.” – Stacia Tauscher

I'm scared..
Seventeen, a tough year!

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  1. I guess it's a happy-kinda-sad type of feeling when one of the children goes off to university. :)

  2. Wow. Great post!! I am wondering if I will let my 5 year old live that long....

  3. Can't imagine when that time comes for me too sister Jenjen...In just a matter of 2 years. I know that will go by soooo fast! God help me and may He control my "hormones" too :)
    I can see how you had that sorta' flashback moments yet being anxious for what lies ahead. When you know that through all those precious memories, heartaches and laughter, you trained him in the way he should go, then nothing to fear. Yes, he's about to open his wings..May the Lord be the One to lift him up! God bless your son and keep him as he discovers his own journey. Happy New Year sister Jenjen. Keeping you in prayers. God bless.

  4. The first time I walked away from home (miles away) was when I got married. Then I asked myself, "Will mom ever miss me?" Yep, and she wants me back home...

    Following you from MBC. You can visit mine at

  5. @Buckeroomama, it's definitely sad when they're leaving, but happy when they know what to do with their lives :)

    @Lee, you will. Do cherish ..

    @RCUBES, Happy New year and thank you for the prayers (as always)

    @TidddleDiddle, welcome to GottaLoveMom. Glad to see you here...And yes, moms will always miss her "forever" little matter what! (Love the baby shoes..good-luck!)


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