The Ocean and the Widow

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

My father passed away two years ago.
There is a void that will never be filled.
There are days when I wish I can give him a hug and tell him how much I love him.
I would settle for a moment just to be able to pick up the phone, just to hear his voice.
And then there’s Mom.

Mom got married to my Dad when she was just sixteen. They were together for over 50 years, and the last 7 years were spent looking after my sick Dad.
As much as my life will never be the same now that Dad is in Heaven, I can’t fully comprehend how my Mom feels.
How do you find calmness when every moment you’re reminded of someone you love?
When you spent most of your life waking up with the person you love, what happens on days when you turnaround and he’s no longer there?
When your children remind you of how he once laughed, smiled or talked – how do you control your tears?

When the sun rises and its radiant glow penetrates through the windows, or when the sun sets and it’s pinkish-orange color covers the skies?  Or when you feel like he’s about to walk through that door to give you a hug and to tell you, “Mom, everything will be fine.”
Or when you have stories to share – just for him, what do you do then?
Grief is like the waves in the ocean. It’s always there. There are days when it’s calm that you don’t even notice it, and yet there are moments when they strongly crash on the rocks and the sand.
So how do you shield yourself from the crashing waves?
You just do.

There will be serene moments when you hear the powerful waves and not be afraid, because you know in your heart that the tide will rise and fall but,  at any moment, the ocean will be smooth even with the ripples on the surface.

And then there’s the horizon.
Even with the uncertainties of the waves, looking out to the ocean to the horizon, my Mom feels calmness, pure peace.
There may be times when she might be brought to her knees knowing she won’t be able to touch Dad’s face again, but seeing the horizon, being in the ocean she feels that he’s just at the other end.

Walking along the shore, getting her feet wet, feeling the breeze, is like being in the same room as he is – in that moment, she feels like she’s walking hand in hand with Dad.

Photos and videos taken using my iPhone6+ (no filter) on various trips: Black Beach in Bicol, Philippines, Sunset on board Anthem of the Seas, Florida beach, and on board Liberty of the Seas,

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  1. Hi Jenjen, I commend you for sharing your story with the world. You have great courage. My heart goes out to you and your family. It is never easy in losing a love one. I am not in your shoes but I know what it is like in losing a love one. Just two years ago I lost my grandmother who raised me. She took me has her own and last year I lost a very close cousin of mine who died at the age 35 and leaves two young children and a husband behind. We grew up together and did everything together when we where young.

    It took me a very long time to accept both of their deaths. I said to God why? I should of gone instead. But I had realize that it would be real selfish of me to say to stay and I'll go. Both of them are with Jesus and you can't get no better then that.

    Also I had to learn we are passengers in this world passing by and we all have a time we have to go. I can't tell you in how to feel, but what I can tell you is that what helps me is prayer and having faith in God and his everlasting love will pull me through. I still go through the emotions and sometimes can't believe that they are both gone, but through prayer and calling on the holy spirit who is a comforter, a present help in times of trouble and healer of broken hearts has shown me that my grandmother and cousin are angels watching over and protecting me and my family. Also what I do I celebrate their lives by remembering and honoring them as if they we still here. God is showing me to turn my pain into joy! So see your father as an angel protecting and watching over you, your kids, mother and family. Just invite him in your heart and he is right there besides you. My prayer for you is that the holy spirit will comfort, guide,help you and your family to pull through and for Jesus to heal y'all hearts with his eternal love. My prayers to you Peace and Blessings.

    1. @Free2Fly thank you for your kind words and your feedback. Apologies for not replying sooner. I've read your comments a few times and your words have brought comfort. My prayers to you, too.

  2. To God be the glory! I am glad you found comfort. From my heart to yours it was Holy Spirit inspired.Thank you for your prayers as well. God Bless and be blessed always.


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