Would you know my name...if I saw you in heaven?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

The happiness and joy that were reflected in your smile will always be imprinted in our minds.

Your laughter,
Your love,
Your joy
Your enthusiasm - these are just a few that we remember you by;

Your smile,
Your happiness,
Your music,
Your sweetness – there are just a few that we remember you by;

When you said “so-long”
We were left with a big hole.
When you said “good-bye”
We were waiting for the sun to come by.

One day we will meet again,
Your smile will be there greet us.
So many faces, so many memories,
Forever we will remember together.

Your life was full of beauty;
You were surrounded with families and friends;
You smelled the rain,
You felt the wind,
You fought for your dreams.

Saying “good-bye”” doesn’t mean a thing,
It’s the memories - time we all spent together,
Laughter and tears that we shared ,
That’s all that matters..

Trixie, you are our angel!

Do you believe in angels?
Do you believe that we are here on earth for a purpose?
Do you believe that after life, our loved ones become our guardian angels?

When a child says goodbye and never comes back, a big hole remains in your heart. But then you know that it’s not really good-bye…it’s just “later alligator” or until we meet again. 

Should it make us cry knowing that she's not physically here with us?

Or should her memories make us smile because we were blessed enough to have been part of her life?

Trixie is with us. I see her when I look at my children, nieces and nephews.
I feel her presence when I hear the kids’ voices and music...
The little corners of my house, the height markers on the door frame and her little acoustic drums are just little reminders of her personality.

I don’t intend for us to cry today because we feel bad that we miss her.
I just want every one to know that she’s always with us..always a part of what we do every day...

This is my way of lighting a candle or strumming her favorite song with the guitar...
It's just my way of saying...Trixie, I love and miss you dearly and thank you for being our angel.

December 10, 2006, four years ago, a loving daughter/niece/cousin/grandchild/friend said good-bye. Most of us who love her dearly didn’t get a chance to hug her or say “so long…until we meet in heaven”. But knowing her, she definitely came to all of us and gave us kisses that continue to linger in our hearts. We remember her not just on this day but every day, and every night that I kiss my little ones good-night.  My niece, Trixie, was just 15 when she passed away because of dengue fever. It was unexpected, sudden – and to this day I can’t find answers to explain to my little ones why such tragedies happen...

...and all I can think of is that we are all here on earth for a purpose, a reason...
...and G-d has a plan for each of us. 
How we fulfill G-d’s plans is what living is all about.
We can’t wait for tomorrow, and we certainly can’t blame other people.
We have to learn to forgive and to grow in love.
That's what Trixie taught us...

I still remember the last conversation we had in the summer of 2006 in the Philippines.

It was the night before my flight back to NJ. I was talking to Trixie about her future. And with her wide smile, she said,
     “Tita Jen, I know I’m you’re favorite – so I’ll see you again next time, right?”

I gave her a tight hug and said,
      “Of course, sweetie”.

I didn’t realize that that would be the last time I get to hug her here on earth.
I didn’t realize that I was saying good-bye to a loving child – an angel who had lived among us for 15 years…

Trixie, we miss you. Your smile continues to tickle our hearts…

Four years ago, my youngest was just 5. When his cousin passed away, he was totally heart broken, and with his innocent mind, he asked me if he can go to heaven to see Trixie.

I sometimes wonder….what happens when we go to heaven?

(To my son who made this video 4 years ago...
  I know it was tough for you  but I'm glad you did..
  It's a little something to remember her smile...)

Eric Clapton’s song, “Tears in Heaven”

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please

Begging please …

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

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  1. What a wonderful post. I can't imagine losing a close loved one unexpectedly..especially a child. My heart breaks when I hear stories like this. I can also imagine trying to explain why these things happen. She sounds like she was such a sweet girl!!

  2. Thanks, Alicia..she truly is, and I know she watches over my little ones...

  3. Thank you for this post. Thank you Mikey for making the video. The hole in our heart is being held in Trixie's hand, but that doesn't make our heart hurt less.
    Trixie, we miss you and will always love you. Grandma Roz

  4. So sad to hear when someone loses someone so young in their lives. Beautiful post!


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