Do the right thing or lose a friend?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My children had to make some tough decisions at an early age. One scenario stands out the most:

It’s been a year since my 13yo had to make the toughest decision (for now).

A best friend confided of using drugs. My 13yo was shocked and hurt. He was upset and couldn’t understand how that could have happened to someone he loves.

(For the purpose of this story, I will name the friend, “Jose”).
In my 13yo’s heart, he knew he had to do something to save Jose. To make it more difficult to my 13yo, Jose also said the following:

“ I know where you live. I know a lot of people who has guns and who are strong enough to inflict hurt in you and your family.”
I still remember that day. I knew immediately that something was wrong. As a mother, you have that feeling that something's not right. It seems like mothers have a radar system. I guess the umbilical cord is still connected in a way!

My 13yo (then 12) came home and started crying. He told me and his father what happened. We couldn’t believe what we were hearing so we asked him some details. After telling our son that he did the right thing by telling us, my husband and I immediately went to action: Without my 13yo knowing, my husband and I did the following:

1) My husband and I both agreed that we had to inform Jose's parents;
2) We wrote them a note (anonymous) since we didn't know how they would react;
3) We posted the note to their door that very night;
4) The next day, my husband and I went to the principal's office and told of the situation. We asked the principal to verify and to help the child. We also informed him of the letter - just in case the parents did not get it.

Those were just the few steps that we took. My 13yo was threatened but most unfortunately, he lost a friend. NOT all his friends who knew of Jose's situation spoke up. They even felt betrayed that my 13yo abandoned his friendship with Jose. A lot has happened since that day - that week, that month!

I'm bringing this up only because my 13yo just recently mentioned how he felt that maybe he let his friend down. After that incident, the 2 boys had a falling out.

It's tough to be a kid, especially a teenager. We're just lucky that our 13yo opened up and asked for guidance and help.

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  1. Kudos to your son for bringing this up with you and kudos to you (as parents) for raising a child who did the right thing, no matter how difficult it was. It's a testament to the strength of his values, values that you had instilled in him. :)

  2. I agree with Buckeroomama. You both are great parents!

  3. That was a very tough and scary situation, and I commend you for the way you handled it. I just gave you a Blogger Buddy Award in my site!

  4. Wow, sounds like you are doing a good job raising your son. A lot of kids would keep that secret afraid the lose a friendship and not knowing they are actually doing something to help their friend. You're obviously doing a good job with your son. Right on!

  5. Hi again! I'm giving you the aw-summ award! Grab it from my blog.

  6. Awwww! Your son absolutely did the right thing, and you as parents did, too!

  7. Having a son who is a drug addict, I wish I had a parent to let US know when he started. Maybe then I could have helped him more.

    You made the RIGHT choice! As well as your son!

  8. It's tough. Sometimes you get through to your kids, and sometimes you can't.

    I have 4 children and they are all different. I agree with Tami, I wish parents would let US know when our kids do something they're not supposed to do. One of my sons (17yo) had a tough summer. We've had some very tough times and my 17yo had a tough time with it the most. Luckily, every thing seems to be in order now.

    I'm not one of those parents who say, "Not my kid" ...but I'm not quick to judge either.

    It's tough - luckily I have a great family support!

    Thank you all for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.


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