No more tears left

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Thanks to Natasha of Thursday Sweet Treat, this week’s theme: “Beyond the Keyhole of Imagination Lies…” touched my heart tremendously.
I dream of writing proceed... to be brave..
I am on a mission – a very emotional mission. It’s not an easy task, as the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, once said, “no great thing is created suddenly”.

I've written a few pages but I kept stopping because it still tears me apart....

Imagination – that’s one force that drives mankind. Do you have to be a child to live your dreams? It’s like one of my crumbcatchers’ favorite movie, “Narnia”, you’ll never know what you get once you peek through the keyhole of imagination, and you’ll never know what you’ll see once you unlock that door!

So here goes…

Every goal begins with imagination. One wishes upon a star and dreams that it will come true – and my one dream when I look beyond the keyhole of imagination is for my family to be back together again.

On the wee hours of October 27, 2005, our lives were tragically interrupted (again!). It felt like a tornado has wiped out all the hopes and dreams of my family. I just got out of the shower when the news that my parents and brothers were being asked to leave the country they’ve known and love for 20 years! Everything around me became mute. I bawled out so loudly because I couldn’t bear the emptiness that this news has delivered. I cried out every single tear I can muster. Events following that morning have totally changed my outlook in life. I regret the times when I took for granted that my family will always be near to me.

Everyday since then, my mission is to get them back. I was frustrated but I’m now so filled with rage by lawyers, who abused my families’ trust; by the lawyers that wiped away the tiny dash of hope of living the American dream.

I’m not just going to sit back and do nothing. I am here to write a family’s struggle, love, dedication, faith and hope.

For my mother who lives for her children – for her family. For a great mother!

As she emailed me yesterday:

“I've been reading your blog every time I checked my email.
It makes me feel like I’m right next to you. However,
yesterday when I read your blog, I couldn't control myself.
Loneliness and sadness were haunting me for a longtime.
My outlook in life changed, however,
I tried my very best to fight them, but when I read your blog with 10/27/05
tears start to roll down and those bitter happenings start haunting me more …

Forgiving is easy but forgetting is hard.
I am not a perfect mother, wife, daughter and sister
but I knew what is right and what is wrong and I’m still hopeful to live that dream I

I have to do this for my mother.
She deserves to live the life she dreamed of
- surrounded by her children and grandchildren;
- surrounded by colorful flowers

One thing I’ve learned from all these detours in life, a door shuts but another door opens.
Every hour of our lives is precious and should not be taken for granted.

This week’s theme is just the perfect push that I need to pursue and complete my story – because as I see beyond the keyhole of imagination lays a perfect ending, a happy ending where I can scream in happiness in telling the world –

“Happiness is not something you just think about
it’s something your heart beats to.

Happiness is not something handed to you
it’s something you aim and fight for.

Right now, I DREAM that the happy patrol is on his way to my doorstep, and I know that as soon as I open that door – everything I’ve ever imagined will come true:
“Together again…
No more tears…..
Just pure happiness….”

(I’m going to need you to give me a nudge – to be brave and as you said, “its’ time to fly and spread my wings.”)

(Photos were taken on a cruise ship, 2009 NY's celeb at Disneyworld using my beat-up Canon Elf digi cam)
Copyright © 2009 GottaLoveMom CJ Solutions, Inc

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  1. Hello JenJen,
    Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog and pay me a compliment! :)
    I have to say I am deeply touched by the story you tell, hugely admirative in front of your spirit facing up to it— and I love the magic in your photos!

    I am away now and not quite my own person as a consequence, but I will come back to check on your other blogs.

    Keep up the good fight!

  2. Hi JenJen,
    I am in tears reading your blog. First of all, you have a special way of putting your thoughts out there that I love to read. Thank you for sharing your personal hopes, dreams and the pain you are going through. I know that rainbow is out there for you and your family, somewhere...someday.
    Hugs to you,


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