Skip to main content

No more tears left


Thanks to Natasha of Thursday Sweet Treat, this week’s theme: “Beyond the Keyhole of Imagination Lies…” touched my heart tremendously.
I dream of writing ....to proceed... to be brave..
I am on a mission – a very emotional mission. It’s not an easy task, as the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, once said, “no great thing is created suddenly”.

I've written a few pages but I kept stopping because it still tears me apart....

Imagination – that’s one force that drives mankind. Do you have to be a child to live your dreams? It’s like one of my crumbcatchers’ favorite movie, “Narnia”, you’ll never know what you get once you peek through the keyhole of imagination, and you’ll never know what you’ll see once you unlock that door!





So here goes…

Every goal begins with imagination. One wishes upon a star and dreams that it will come true – and my one dream when I look beyond the keyhole of imagination is for my family to be back together again.


On the wee hours of October 27, 2005, our lives were tragically interrupted (again!). It felt like a tornado has wiped out all the hopes and dreams of my family. I just got out of the shower when the news that my parents and brothers were being asked to leave the country they’ve known and love for 20 years! Everything around me became mute. I bawled out so loudly because I couldn’t bear the emptiness that this news has delivered. I cried out every single tear I can muster. Events following that morning have totally changed my outlook in life. I regret the times when I took for granted that my family will always be near to me.

Everyday since then, my mission is to get them back. I was frustrated but I’m now so filled with rage by lawyers, who abused my families’ trust; by the lawyers that wiped away the tiny dash of hope of living the American dream.

I’m not just going to sit back and do nothing. I am here to write a family’s struggle, love, dedication, faith and hope.


For my mother who lives for her children – for her family. For a great mother!

As she emailed me yesterday:

“I've been reading your blog every time I checked my email.
It makes me feel like I’m right next to you. However,
yesterday when I read your blog, I couldn't control myself.
Loneliness and sadness were haunting me for a longtime.
My outlook in life changed, however,
I tried my very best to fight them, but when I read your blog with 10/27/05
tears start to roll down and those bitter happenings start haunting me more …

Forgiving is easy but forgetting is hard.
I am not a perfect mother, wife, daughter and sister
but I knew what is right and what is wrong and I’m still hopeful to live that dream I
had.”

I have to do this for my mother.
She deserves to live the life she dreamed of
- surrounded by her children and grandchildren;
- surrounded by colorful flowers



One thing I’ve learned from all these detours in life, a door shuts but another door opens.
Every hour of our lives is precious and should not be taken for granted.

This week’s theme is just the perfect push that I need to pursue and complete my story – because as I see beyond the keyhole of imagination lays a perfect ending, a happy ending where I can scream in happiness in telling the world –

“Happiness is not something you just think about
it’s something your heart beats to.

Happiness is not something handed to you
it’s something you aim and fight for.




Right now, I DREAM that the happy patrol is on his way to my doorstep, and I know that as soon as I open that door – everything I’ve ever imagined will come true:
“Together again…
No more tears…..
Just pure happiness….”


(I’m going to need you to give me a nudge – to be brave and as you said, “its’ time to fly and spread my wings.”)


(Photos were taken on a cruise ship, 2009 NY's celeb at Disneyworld using my beat-up Canon Elf digi cam)
Copyright © 2009 GottaLoveMom CJ Solutions, Inc



Comments

  1. Hello JenJen,
    Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog and pay me a compliment! :)
    I have to say I am deeply touched by the story you tell, hugely admirative in front of your spirit facing up to it— and I love the magic in your photos!

    I am away now and not quite my own person as a consequence, but I will come back to check on your other blogs.

    Keep up the good fight!
    Cheers,
    Agathe

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi JenJen,
    I am in tears reading your blog. First of all, you have a special way of putting your thoughts out there that I love to read. Thank you for sharing your personal hopes, dreams and the pain you are going through. I know that rainbow is out there for you and your family, somewhere...someday.
    Hugs to you,
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Completed my first 16 Week IsaBody Challenge: Believe You Have A Purpose

My family is what matters most to me.  I’m 51 and a mother of 4 (ages 14 – 26). I wanted to be healthier, more active and stronger not just for me, but for the people I love.  I wanted to set an example for my family that we each possess the tools to master our wellness and vitality. I've always been petite except when I was pregnant ( when I gained an average of 50 pounds per pregnancy - 4 times!) Over the years I had tried various diet and exercise regimens, and I did enjoy a degree of success, but the results were not to the level I hoped for, and they were somewhat short lived.   Achieving stable, long-lasting results proved stubbornly elusive.    Then when I hit menopause everything became more difficult.    My body stopped cooperating altogether, and I was constantly grumpy. My waist and hips expanded and I found myself napping in the afternoons.    I started to accept the idea that there would be this new, less vibrant version of me. I just completed my P

Immigration and Family: Will my mom ever get to see my daughter walk down the aisle

Last year when my father passed away in the Philippines, I went home and took some time to visit the U.S. Embassy in Manila to ask what the options are for my mother to return to the U.S. The consul reminded me of the 10-year travel ban. That on or after November 8, 2015 — not earlier – or 10 years after my mom, was deported in 2005 for overstaying her visa, I can email the U.S. Embassy and inquire about my mother’s approved petition. I asked if I need to file another petition, and she informed me I didn’t have to. I asked if I could… and she stopped me and said to ask everything on or after November 8, 2015. This is where I am, and where my thoughts are drifting as I celebrate this month my 16th American birthday. I am counting the months, the weeks and the days. My daughter is getting married in January 2016 and I would love to have my entire family, especially my mother, to be here when that momentous occasion happens.

SPICE-up a young child's development: social, physical, intellectual, creative and emotional

Children are the precious gems of a family. When they’re young and innocent, they are like sponges that willingly and quickly absorb any knowledge and emotion. That’s why at an early age, we encourage our children to read, be creative, be happy and feed their curiosity. With all the technology and instant gratification that children get from playing video or computer games, asking a child to read a good book has been a challenge for some parents .     “Your children are not your children.       They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.       They come through you but not from you,       And though they are with you, and yet they belong not to you.       You may give them your love but not your thoughts,        For they have their own thoughts.        You may house their bodies but not their souls,        For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,        which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.” -                     Kahlil Gibr

Helping others surpass their goals and expectations

"It's not about the end goal. It's who you become by consistently pushing to the edge of your limits." - Robin Sharma Do you ever wonder why you stumble on new things?  Do you ever wonder why unsuspecting strangers cross your path? Do you ever wonder why your mind takes you to a direction you didn't think exist? I was walking to StarBucks to meet my husband when I noticed a sign...

Still shaky, skidded in snow, but so blessed my guardian angels are looking after me!

"Never again wonder, what to be thankful for..."   - Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life It’s yet another snowy day in New Jersey. Beautiful, yes but dangerous! In line with my goal for this month is to get back on schedule. I got up around 4am to get my 15yo ready for his Model United Nations conference. (Thankful that our neighbor offered to drive him to school by 5:30am ) I got my 9yo ready for school and I'm thankful that my other neighbor offered to drive him to school. I then drove my husband to the train station to Manhattan. I decided to stop by the Community Center and decided to run a fast 5K on the treadmill. I was 1 mile short because I was so sweaty and hot. (Note to self: dress lightly next time) While cooling down inside the car, I read Day 14’s chapter of Rick Warren's the “Purpose Driven Life” book. I felt really good because it just reminded me that there is always something to be thankful for no matter how awful yo