another day

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

( Photo taken today of Mohawk Park around the corner)

It’s another beautiful morning I wish I can share with all my family and friends

Lately, it may look like that every morning seems to start like another lovely day and that I can’t help myself sharing it to everyone. The thing is my “peace-and-happiness” was taken away from me on October 27, 2005. Ever since then, there’s a big hole in my heart that seemed to totally consume my entire being. The first few days, weeks, months, years since then were very difficult. I must have aged ten years in one month! Hope and dreams were shattered and I ended up bringing down every one I love, too. (Just writing it now, brings tears and pain – but because I truly wish everything will just be perfect)
It took a lot of love, energy, prayers and faith to go on. Once I felt like HOPE is around the corner, something awful snatches it away one more time! The past few months, I can say that something has changed on how I view the challenges.
I don’t know how and
I don’t know why now and
I don’t know how long it will last.

There are still lot things to be done and to be accomplished – it might even take more than a decade. And every day seems like a new test in my new found “zen” It does not mean I’m giving up. I think I’m gathering all the strength so I can fight this ordeal one more time!

When I see the sun shining through the blue skies and spreading its brightness down to the river, even just around the corner – I feel at peace that someday, things will be complete.

(Photo taken on today's zenwalk Mohawk park around the corner)
I cry thinking about the things that have happened and things that are not in-place. I can marvel at the beauty of the day, to be grateful that I am here! I’m sad that some of my loved ones cannot enjoy this blessing. But one thing I learned, I don’t have to cry endlessly to NOT forget about them. I will always remember them every day and will find ways for us to be together again. (Listening to Coldplay’s To Fix You will keep me going..)
Everyday I am thankful, however, actually posting the “Three Things I’m Grateful for Today” do keep things “front-and-center”. Writing and sharing about it just make it truly resonate in my heart and mind.

I don’t know what path the new challenges will take me.
I don’t know if it will be easy or another long-ended road.
But a few things I learned:
I can not take back the past;
I have to take action one step at a time
and be grateful for what I have right now
and the road I take today will lead me
to the future that will always be there waiting for me.

(I took this photo on top of Mt. Mansfield, VT in the summer of 2006)
(It's the first summer that reminded me that you can't take things for granted;
you won't know what you're missing until it's taken from you!
It's a tough hike up the mountain, and even a tougher hike down ...)

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